Yep, you read that right. I’m pregnant at 44. I found out I was pregnant 4 days before my 44th birthday. While I’ve always wanted kids, I truly thought the door was closing on the opportunity for me to become a biological mother. So I prayed and asked God to allow me to either accept what was inevitable or to give me another opportunity to carry and care for a child.
EMOTIONS OF BEING PREGNANT AT 44
When I found out I was pregnant, I’d like to say I was immediately ecstatic. I can honestly say that was not the emotion that I was feeling. I was more petrified and nervous because of what happened just the year before. In June of 2020, just 4 months after I’d gotten married, I got pregnant naturally. I was over the moon excited! I told family, close friends and was brimming with joy to share the news.
Little did I realize that it would not end well. Shortly after sharing the news with my middle sister I had my first appointment at 8 weeks. I was so excited because friends told me that I’d be able to hear the heartbeat by then. As I sat on the table with my doctor doing the ultrasound, I quickly realized that something wasn’t right. She was having a hard time finding the yolk sac and she did not see nor hear any heartbeat. As a precaution, she told me to schedule a follow up ultrasound appointment at the lab where they had better equipment. After that appointment my doctor called me and confirmed my fears. No heartbeat. This pregnancy would result in a miscarriage.
The heartache I felt was indescribable. I felt my heart had been ripped out and I truly just wanted to crawl into bed and never see daylight again. A moment that will be etched in my brain forever and that I relive frequently.
Now that you have context, you understand why when I found out the news, I was hesitant to be happy. The what if’s danced around in my head…what if this ended like the last time? What if I never become a mom? What if, what if, what if. Not to mention, when I got pregnant this second time around, it was almost to the exact date as the previous year. So the sense of deja vu was uncanny.
TURNING POINT
One day a friend of mine shared a sermon with me that was titled I am Number 12. The message was clear, your past does not define you, there are always exceptions to the rule and what happens to “them” does not dictate and determine what happens to me. Those were all things I needed to not only hear, but hold onto as I started this journey again.
BABY HART HEARTBEAT
So with hope and nervousness in my heart, I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN to confirm the pregnancy. By drawing bloodwork they confirmed that indeed I was pregnant, but given I was only about 4 weeks along they held off on an ultrasound until I was closer to 8 weeks. Once I hit the 8 week mark, I had my first ultrasound appointment. I was truly hopeful at that appointment because this pregnancy FELT different. Unlike the last pregnancy where I didn’t really have any of those first trimester symptoms, this pregnancy was definitely hitting me differently. I constantly felt like I was seasick and the level of exhaustion was real. I could sleep for 12 hours, wake up, eat and that was enough activity for me to want a nap.
My husband and I walked in the ultrasound room and as the dr moved the wand around, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was holding my breath. Until we all saw that tiny little bean on the screen. Next, the dr flipped a switch and I heard the strongest, loudest heartbeat I’d ever heard. I immediately broke down into tears. This time, it was tears of joy. My little bean had a heartbeat! I was so many things in that moment, relieved, shocked, scared, you name it. I knew at the time that there were many more milestones to go. You see, when you get pregnant naturally at 44 (what is considered advanced maternal age), doctors will continue to remind you of the risks involved not only for mom but for the child as well.
However in that moment, just for a second, I allowed myself to feel. To feel joy, hope, and love.
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Kudos to you! I had my first child naturally at the age of 43, 3 1/2 years old. I had an uneventful pregnancy – just a bit of naseau, indigestion, gas, swollen feet and a big round belly towards the end. Lol! I also delivered my daughter naturally 1 1/2 before her due date – no complications. Now the child that some that would be “challenged” because of her parents’ age has surpassed her developmental goals, very healthy and advanced for her age. I’m sharing to encourage women over 40 to have children if they want to, ignore the naysayers. If you keep yourself in good health in body, soul & mind, there’s absolutely no issue with you having a child. Some older women are healthier than younger women and most are more mature and ready for motherhood than their younger counterparts. Stay positive and keep healthy.
This is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for sharing and feel more women need to hear these testimonies to continue to be encouraged. It can happen and, like you said, if you keep yourself in good health then there is no issue with having a child. Other than my age, my pregnancy was uneventful and I had no issues or complications. The last month I just felt tired and much like yourself a large belly but other than that it was pretty smooth sailing.
I needed to hear this today. I am 44 and am trying to conceive via IVF and now naturally. I have the eggs but quality is an issue. I am being advised many times to use donor eggs but something tells me to keep trying. Work on boosting my quality and it will happen. Thank you for this blog.
Neelima, I have been there as well. I saved my eggs at 39 and had 18 that were mature. Unfortunately, I found out years later all were abnormal (so none viable). I wrote another blog where I list the supplements I took to help with egg quality. They were all recommended by my fertility doctor. While I’m not a medical professional, it may help in improving your egg quality. https://kimabbagehart.com/improving-egg-quality-after-40-naturally/
Nice blog. My partner fell pregnant at 44 years of age (not planned) but we lost it after 8 weeks. When we lost it that was the lowest point I have ever been in life, I think. Really upsetting.
We actively tried to conceive once the miscarriage was over and she fell pregnant again in the first month! Our baby is due in 12 weeks 🙂
Thank you Steve for the compliments on the blog! 😊
I know the pain of miscarriage and am so happy you and your partner were able to work through it together. Congratulations on conceiving again! Many blessings to you and your partner for a safe and healthy delivery in a few weeks! 🥰
This was a lovely blog post to read.
I had a miscarriage in October 2022, baby grew to 6 weeks and 3 days but no heartbeat was detected. I was 44 at the time. I was devastated. I already have 3 children but started my mummy journey a bit late. I gave birth at 33, 38 and 42. Based on statistics and fertility naysayers I must be some sort of Unicorn but as my partner says, you are your own statistic.
I dared to dream of a 4th baby and having the miscarriage made me think I am just too old and I should give up. I accepted the next phase of my life to come which is Menopause, and I settled into that train of thought.
Now, just shy of my 45th Birthday which is in about a month, I conceived naturally. It is early days and I am only 5 weeks 2 days. Not scanning until 9 weeks 1 day.
I was shocked about this pregnancy to say the least. The shock has now turned into fear but I don’t know, something tells me this pregnancy is going to be okay. It isn’t so much my symptoms but I don’t know, my instinct is telling me I’m going to be a new Mama in December.
My partner’s father unfortunately passed away due to Cancer a couple of Months ago. That loss hit me hard. I just felt down for weeks. As soon as I started to suspect I was pregnant something came to my mind, did he send down a little baby for us? He never knew about my loss because he was ill in his final months and the focus was more on him. I wonder if he found out in the after life and wanted to make it right 🙂Anyway, those thoughts are part of my wild pregnancy imagination.
I pray for a healthy pregnancy and I don’t want to jinx it but I wouldn’t mind a little girl. I’m a Mum of three boys! But I am not fussy, a healthy baby is all I truly want.
Your story is hope for me. I am 43 and trying to conceive and not sure about so many things… Thanks for sharing..
Anna, sprinkling all the baby dust your way
Miriam, that is such a beautiful story. And I agree with your partner that you are your own statistic. God is a rule breaker and exception maker. I hope your little angel continues to grow and you are a mom of 4 very soon. 🙂
That was a nice read. I had my one and only son at age 45. He was a complete surprise . I had been busy caring for my father who had dementia. My husband is a surviving cancer, and we were told that he may be able to have children. We were ok with that. My father passed away and I in was in charge of Everything and doing well. The day of the funeral I got physically sick. So bad I couldn’t attend the repast. Everyone thought the emotions finally got me. When I wasn’t better 3 days later I went to the hospital. The nurse said the results show you are pregnant. I almost passed out. She then said take a day to decide what you want to do and gave me a pile of pamphlets. I had a lot of morning sickness but basically felt fine. We never knew the date of conception so the due date was iffy. When the babies weight was around 8 lbs I had a c-section. My son was 9lbs 6 oz. I wish I was never labeled- high risk, geriatric pregnancy.. those things added stress. I took every avail test to determine he was fine during the pregnancy because the dr had me so afraid. Perhaps he is a miracle baby Or perhaps he is just a regular baby. Being older has been just fine. (I keep my hair dyed so I don’t look his grandma. Lol). Everything happens for a reason- we just might not ever know the reason. He is 7 and in the 1st grade. He is perfectly healthy. People still look at me like I have 3 heads when I say I gave birth at 45 naturally. I would like to say- if you see a woman with a baby or child- don’t assume anything. Don’t say is that your child or grandchild? Just say beautiful baby!
Katrina, I relate to your story so well! The added stress of being a more “mature woman” that is pregnant makes every doctor look at you funny. I was so nervous already given my past miscarriage, but add to that being a year older, it was already enough anxiety walking around. I took every test to ensure my daughter was healthy (and she passed with flying colors every visit). But yet every dr’s visit they chose to remind me of the risks. Sigh. Hopefully doctors will start treating mature women with more compassion and not cause any additional stress or anxiety. My daughter is now 15 months and is the most perfect beautiful, funny and smartest baby you will ever meet (of course I’m biased). And yes, I too will keep my hair colored to keep the grays away as I will be the 50 year old with a kindergartner!
I have terminated my pregnancy of my beautiful baby girl (24 weeks) on May 22nd due developmental abnormalities – I hoped doctors will have alternatives but all spoke doom. Am 43 years old with four children but always yearned for a bonus fifth. When I conceived naturally, I was ecstatic with my Miracle from God.
Right now, am here and there in thoughts .. should I try again , what if I try and all turns out the same , will my age qualify me with another miracle, will my partner ( I have 2 kids with him) agree to try with intent.
when I read your story and in commentary, I have hope.
Juliet, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain intimately of losing a child all too soon. Continue to pray and allow God to lead you to what your next step is in your fertility journey. Whatever you and your partner decide, know that God will be with you through it all.